Blog Entry IV: How to Help Your Loved One, Candid Response

The following is a comment I left on another’s blog. I tried for about a week to craft it into something I’d like to post, but it never came about. So here it is, for what it’s worth:

I’ve often found that people start out wanting to help, certainly they are sympathetic, but they truly just don’t know how. I’ve been angry at everyone for not understanding, not knowing not ‘caring.’ I had to withdraw into myself — can’t demand something from people who don’t know what you need or how to give it. Likely, they’ve never been there.

Is it a bunch of shit? Yep. Are you really left alone? Yep. Will you ever find your way? Yes. Try not to be angry at those who genuinely are trying to help, but do realize they may back off (leave you more alone) if they sense they are not helping. Know what I mean? For me, it got to the point where I’d say something like “I need you to hold me, let me cry, let me vent, and don’t speak a word. If you could do that for me, that would help me the most. Let me talk, but don’t say a word in response.” Loved ones try to help, bless their hearts, they just don’t know how.

KEY: you must choose these people carefully. A lot of people truly can’t handle the heaviness of the heartache you have to deal with. They truly can’t handle the truth: it’s not a fault; they just are not equipped. Choose a person who won’t leave you no matter what. I chose my mom. My ‘friends’ couldn’t help; like I said, I think they wanted to at first, but it costs ALOT of time and alot of energy. And frankly, my ‘friends’ wanted to go out and do something more fun. This isn’t a ‘quick-fix’ situation either: It’s going to take time — as in years. I don’t blame them anymore. They just didn’t know how, and unless they are in a similar situation, they aren’t going to know.

I’m not sure if I’ve made things worse. I hope that I haven’t made you angry. I tell it like it is, good or bad. Some folks get offended, and that’s certainly not my intention. What’s the saying? You can’t draw blood from a stone? Something like that.

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